Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
