Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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