After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
