How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
