my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
