Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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