I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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