did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
