Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
