as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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