im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
