Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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