Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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