everyone is single if you try hard enough
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
