Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Bring me that man meat
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
