Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
