I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
