i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
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Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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