Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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