your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
