yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
