i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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