You're my little dorito
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
