I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
