ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
