i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
