The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She needs sedatives and a leash
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
