just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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