my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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