dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Did I show you my penis last night?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
