I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
