He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
