I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
