i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
that's an acceptable place to lick
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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