She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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