connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
