my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
