He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
