And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's blow job season.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
