The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
