do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
