so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
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come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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