It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
