I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
