It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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