Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
