hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
