apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
