My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
