Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
