ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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