im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
