so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
