i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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