yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
