Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
