But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
