nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
