we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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