Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So many bounce houses so little time
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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