just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
