she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
