Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We need to rekindle our bromance
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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