dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
