You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
