All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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