if i can run in heels then i can drive
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
