We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
