I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
