cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
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Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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