Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
