i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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