Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
