roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
